Saturday, May 24, 2014

I wrote this poem years ago about the first guy I ever loved, or at least thought I did. Now I realize I just more relied on him for support and needing to feel cared for. Anyhow, yet another one I found in my dropbox...

I swore I would never say this out loud,
But I can't keep lying to myself.
Because the truth is that I love you.
You have no idea how hard I wish that I could just make these feelings go away,
Imagine they aren’t real.
But wishing away feelings is like trying to wish the moon to stop shining,
I can't pretend anymore,
I can't pretend I don’t wish you were mine,
Pretend that I didn't feel like I was safe when you held me
Pretend that when I talk to you, you don’t make everything seem ok.
I thought that burying my feelings would make things easier;
I thought it would make me a better friend.
Yes, I love you and I am terrified that may never change.
That is something I will have to accept.
I will have to accept that you may never be mine.
And I know that I may never be more than your friend.
Who knows someday you may feel the way I do.
But I refuse to sit around and wait for that day to come;
Waiting for you to say three words that may never be for me.
I can’t waste my life waiting for a dream that may never be.
I can’t hurt myself like that anymore.
And maybe one day I will get over you.
It may be five minutes from now,
It maybe tomorrow,
Or six months from now,
Or maybe even never.

I honestly don’t know.