So I know I am behind on starting this and I am doing my best to catch up. Here is my 20 minute free write I did when I had absolutely nothing to do at work/my lunch break.
Sometimes the days go by pretty quickly, while other days drag on and on at a glacially slow pace with no end in sight. Some days I just stare at the walls that are as empty as I feel. I really hate days like these. They allow boredom and depression to overwhelm me in an onslaught of emotions and chronic emptiness that seeps to well up inside my stomach. Growing and growing until it completely consumes me.
How are some people so interesting? How are some people so fun and care free? Why can’t I be like that and not this crappy shell I call home to my soul. I hate thinking about how truly boring of a person I am. It is so pathetic that I hate the realization being brought anywhere close to the forefront. The voices in my head just love chiming in too, as if they make it any easier…their stupid little comments ring in my ears and taut and tease me. Little shits.
All my life I have wanted so badly to be this idea of normal. Or at least just fun. I hate the fact that all I do is get up, go to work, work my day then come home, be boring, go to sleep and press repeat. It’s as though the enthusiasm I once had has been sucked out of me by some big cosmic vacuum. Why can’t I be fun and care free and exciting and full of life rather than this pathetic little shell…