Thursday, May 2, 2013

Feeling Alone and Useless :(

Well this is kind of a two part post. First: Alone. Recently I've just been feeling really alone and like a lot of people I thought were my really good friends have been drifting away and like I don't belong around them any more. I feel like whenever I am around this group they are just thinking in their heads "what are you doing here? You don't belong here." And it just really sucks and makes me feel empty inside because its like I don't belong anywhere again. I'm just on the outside while they are this close knit group. My head just keeps saying "they don't need or want you any more." 

I just feel like I don't know where I belong any more...

Second half: Useless. Gah I can't even describe how useless I have been feeling lately. A very good friend of mine has a mentally abusive and extremely controlling boyfriend who pushed her to cutting again  AND who recently snapped and hurt her physically. I was so scared for her and so relieved when she said she told him she never wanted to talk to him again. But.........

Then she started being really depressed saying that she missed him and just wanted to make things right. She spent 4 hours sitting in her car outside her house trying to talk to him. And you know what that bastard did?! He hid behind the cars in the driveway watching as her sister, my boyfriend and myself held onto her while she cried her eyes out in the middle of the street.

She is such a wonderful person who has had a horrible past. She has been surrounded by nothing but controlling guys all her life. She admitted she was addicted to this guy but didn't want to go back to being treated that way. Again that same group was doing everything we could to keep her happy and help her through because we knew it was going to be hard. 

Then another example of his "affection" she had a really bad hypo-glycemic attack and got really sick and he said "well tell her if she needs me I'll be asleep." WTF!!!!!! I'm sorry but if you claim to love someone and they are sick I wouldn't care if they were asleep. I would have charged my but over there as fast as humanly possible just to be there and make sure they were ok.

Then, then the worst of all. SHE WENT BACK TO HIM!!! Oh yes. I call over to her house to see if I can go grab my stuff which I forgot after sleeping over at her house. Only to find out that she has been missing. Where is she? At his house. And her brother was begging her to come home and she doesn't come home till midnight.

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! I felt so absolutely betrayed and I wanted to slap her and murder him! Plus that snide jackass called my boyfriend a compulsive liar just because he was telling her the truth about him. And then he told me and my bf in the snidest most irritating "punch me now" voice: "I told you she would listen to me." That SOB is destroying my best friend and I can't do anything to stop it! I would give anything just to smack some sense into her!

God Give Me Strength!!!!