Monday, March 16, 2015

Life Update, and Learning Not to Worry

Hey Everyone out there in the blogging universe. For those who read this blog I apologize for always being sporadic with posting. To say that life has been hectic lately would be a massive understatement.

So many things have been going on in my life with huge changes coming very shortly in the future, working on average 25 hours a week at my job, balancing 16 units this semester, and as the icing on the cake, my stress level has been through the roof. As a matter of fact, last Monday I collapsed at school, temporarily lost consciousness and had to have the paramedics called on me because I had a panic attack to the point that I couldn't breathe.

So yeah, my life has been a massive roller-coaster of change, emotion and stress and everything else you can imagine. But in all this there is one thing I have learned, and it is that we can't always fix everything. Some things we simply cannot control and we waste our time worrying about these things.

A few weeks ago my boxing instructor asked us all to sit as he shared his secret with us. He told us that when he was in his 20's he was assisting his elderly neighbor with her lawn. He asked her, if she could change anything in her life, what would it be. She sat and thought for a moment, then she looked him in the eyes and said "I wouldn't worry so much. My husband and I bought this house after we were married, we have two beautiful children, and our own business. And I can't say how many times I worried about if we were going to make it. Worried about if my children were going to have a good education. Worried if we would have enough money for the house payment, or if our business would be successful" he looked at us and commented that these are all things that seem worth worrying about in life but she finished her story by saying "My house is paid off, we sold our successful business for quite a bit of profit, my children are grown and all had wonderful childhoods and wonderful educations. If I could change one thing, I wouldn't worry, because in the end we can't change if some things fail or succeed, but we can change how we approach it."

My Sensei, as he prefers to be called, often sits us down for these life lessons. He told us that if he could impart to us any lesson out of the entire time he has with us, it would be to not worry. To look at the things that make us worry and ask ourselves "can I fix this?" And if the answer is no, set it aside for now and continue on. There is no sense wasting precious time out of our lives worrying about the things that we can't change, the things that we have no power over. Because in the end, that worrying wont change the outcome, it will only add more stress on us.

With the recent events in my life, at first I thought he was wrong. I thought "of course I should worry about what is going on, it is going to affect my life in a huge way." I stressed for so long that I put myself in the hospital. And only now that I found my solution do I realize how silly I was for putting myself through that much stress. I refused to look at the bright side, I just filled my head with everything that could potentially go wrong and cried and was scared. I never stopped to think about the good and I let it interrupt my whole life.

So I would like to pass this lesson onto you. Even though I am not deeply religious I would like to share with you the words of the Serenity Prayer, because no matter what religion you are, or even if you are not, it is a wonderful message. It says: "[God] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

These words have meant so much to me since the moment I first heard them. We should change what we can, but be able to understand and accept what we cannot. It does not do to dwell on what we cannot change, what we regret, or things that have passed. One character from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun says another line that I cherish, "regrets are the past crippling us in the present."

Don't let your fears control your life. Don't let the negative people in your life deter you from your path, even when they are the ones closest to us. And remember, not to worry. Because in the end, it will all come to a resolution whether it is one we can control or not, we must accept that.

I hope that this in some way helped you. And if you are in a hard place in your life, remember that you are not alone, you are strong enough to face this challenge and it to shall pass, and you will be stronger because of it. And even when you are feeling low and may feel like no one believes in you, remember that I believe in you, even if I am just some words on a screen, I have faith that you can overcome whatever comes your way!

Hugs from my computer to yours,
<3 Kimmie