So one thing I will fully admit to falling prey to, is that since I moved up to Northern California, I have essentially become a hermit. I stay at home and hardly ever go out, well more so I fall into a routine of work and school and one or two people I see, and for a while there I hardly ever talked to any of my friends or family. Suffice to say, it wasn’t the best time.
But that was just me, for some, you may enjoy being alone and that’s ok! Each person has their own schtick, but if you want to get out more and try to be more social, I hope this helps!
I've reached the point where I consider myself and extroverted introvert. I have definitely become more of an introvert over the years but with the right people and situation my extroverted, social butterfly side comes out.
Deep down I feel like pretty much everyone in some way wants to connect, to find a group they are comfortable with. Recently I’ve heard my dad and a few others talk a lot about ‘their tribe.’ Frankly, I have been a little confused by that expression. But essentially, I think it’s one in the same. Your tribe, your social group, your crew, etc., whatever you want to call it, the existence of one in your life is important. In one blog post I read by Claire Obeid, she makes a great point, you need to find balance between your hermit and your social butterfly. (You can check out her post here.)
For the purpose of this post here are a few key tips to getting yourself back out there that I had to learn:
- Sometimes you have to be the one to ask. I’m the kind of person who often, I feel like I have to have an invitation to do something fun. But waiting around for someone else to make the first move doesn’t work out. If you feel the need to get out and want to hang out with people, you need to be comfortable making the first step and asking others to hang out. Even if it’s something as simple as “hey let’s go get coffee” or going for food, for me I like to go karaoke or go bowling (despite the fact that I stink at it lol).
- People are there for you, trust me. Sometimes when you’ve shut yourself off for a while, it’s easy to forget that you have friends who like being around you. So when you are trying to step back out, that can be the scariest part, feeling like no one is there. I can almost guarantee that there are at least a few friends you are overlooking. Try posting something on Facebook about wanting to get together and see who responds. Text people you used to hang out with, they are there.
- Find your tribe. Like I talked about earlier, you want to find that group of people you feel comfortable around and you know you can go to. Within that tribe, you want to make sure you have at least one or two close people you know you can turn to regardless of if you are having an off day, or just who you know would be willing to make time for you. I have a small handful of people like this, my best friend and “hetero-life partner” (a term I learned from my roommate) is two hours away from me and with conflicting schedules we can’t always see each other, but I do know I can call her whenever. In closer proximity, I have another best friend who is always there for me and I’m very glad they came into my life and has pointed out, none too subtly, that I needed to get a life!
- Don’t push yourself! While the other three tips are all about getting out there and getting in contact with people, maybe forcing yourself out of what has become your comfort zone, you want to make sure you don’t overdo it all at once. If you push yourself to do too much too fast, you could stress yourself out and it may even backfire. So with all these, find your own pace. Be sure to check out the other post I linked above because she does have a lot of good tips about finding a balance in your life.
I definitely fell even farther into being a hermit after my relationship ended. For a while it was just work and school and that was it. I know I neglected this blog a lot in the past year due to everything that was going on in my life and I want to change that along with finding a balance between my obligations and my hobbies. With a new job and summer here its time to push myself into new, healthy habits. Wish me luck!
If anyone has any other tips please let me know, thank you!