Everyone has those days where they wonder and question “Who am I? Where do I fit in? What is my purpose here?” And unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Everyone faces challenges and trials that they must overcome. Everyone will encounter those who claim to be friends but have two faces or only call you their friend when it benefits them. It breaks my heart that I have been losing friends recently, but in the end I guess it is what best because if they are willing to hurt and only use me as a puppet then they aren't really a friend. Everyone deserves to be happy and I have finally come to realize that I shouldn't have to sacrifice my happiness to keep everyone else around me satisfied. It’s like every time I was offering myself up on a silver platter to do their bidding all the while hiding how I really feel because I was too afraid that they wouldn't like me.
So I have come to a realization, one that has taken me my entire life to reach. I am no one's puppet and I refuse to continue to apologize for who I am and the way I feel. I have finally decided that it is ok for me to say no to others and actually put my feelings first. Because I have feelings and beliefs and opinions of my own and ones that should actually matter to those who actually care about me. And just because I am finally standing up for the way I feel does not make me “a selfish bitch.” (Yes that is an actual quote of what I was told the first instance when I stood up for myself.) Yes, I may have a flirtatious personality, and it’s something I don’t always have in check. While I am trying my hardest to be mindful of it, it is my personality and it doesn't exactly have an off switch. Just because someone is going to tell me that they think I am a “boyfriend stealing slut” just because I make friends easily and can be clingy does not make it true. So I will wait for someone who will actually take the time to understand my personality and not constantly try and change me. I am not going to hide or change who I am because it is an inconvenience to someone else. I am an actual human being, not just a thing to be used for someone else’s needs.
So I did not simply post this to rant about my moment of self revelation. I wrote this because of the fact that it took me a really long to finally do this and hopefully I will inspire someone else to do the same. You are an individual and you matter. You should never belittle yourself or feel that you have to change yourself to have to please others. It is completely alright to sometimes be selfish and have bad days and want to scream at the top of your lungs just to feel better. You should never have to hide your feelings because someone made you feel that your feelings aren't as important as someone else’s. So be selfish and put yourself first every now and again and don’t continue to put up with fake friends who only want to use and not return your friendship.
I hope that this encouraged or inspired someone out there! And for a little extra motivation here are some awesome quotes! (I will be posting inspiring and motivational quotes on my blog from time to time to help people through the day and remind you that you are special!)
“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson