Defeat and Motivation

One of the hardest things to do is pick yourself up and keep going when all the odds are against you and at every turn something goes wrong.

That's how I feel when tackling the challenge of cleaning and repairing my house. I feel like every time my boyfriend or I make a dent wither someone else in the house dirtied what we just accomplished, or we find something else that needs repairing...

It really dampens your spirit of motivation and drive.

Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry every time we find something new that kicks my goal in its butt and makes it harder.

But, I do know that you have to take every setback with renewed motivation and realize that you can't let ever little issue tear you down.

And that is what I'm trying to do. So for everyone out there dealing with a similar challenge of motivation I hope this is a little confidence booster.

Always remember that you can do it! You are strong and powerful and just remember that if nothing else, I believe in you!

The next step along your journey....

In life change is inevitable. You change jobs, schools, you move to a new location, start a relationship or maybe end one. It is an inescapable truth that things are always changing, nothing is ever static.

When embarking on the next leg of your journey, the road ahead is full of uncertainties. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and fearlessly entering the unknown.

This journey for me: college.

I must admit that I am very nervous and not 100% sure what to expect. I’m worried that I will mess up or let my procrastination get the best of me. I’m sad about not seeing my boyfriend or family every day. I have been crying on and off for days, usually on Johnny’s (Boyfriend) shoulder.

When making changes in your life you wind up thinking about things that you never have before, “how will I do on my own,” “what will it be like living on my own?” The prospect of living on your own at first seems like a grand idea, freedom to do whatever you want. Suddenly the quote from Spiderman comes to mind: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Living on your own is a true test of going from a kid to an adult. It takes a tremendous amount of accountability and responsibility. You no longer have your parents there to stand over your shoulder and tell you to “do your homework”, “do your laundry” or “go to bed so you can wake up on time.”

Some days I can’t stop thinking about if I’m gonna be ok on my own. I have never had my own bedroom and I’m scared of the dark. I am bi-polar and not the best at handling stress or anger. All these things, all the little things you maybe don’t show to anyone but the people who live with you or take care of you on a daily basis. You think, “how the heck do I handle this on my own, and what the heck will my room mate think if I slip up?” The prospect of this is embarrassing.  And I am honestly horrified of slipping up.

However, despite everything, I am going forth to the next leg of my journey and the next chapter of my story. So I will brace myself for a bumpy ride, but who knows, maybe the skies will suddenly clear. I have faith that I can push through, that I can find my balance and my place.

Wish me luck.

And to all those facing your own journeys in life, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.

Senior Project - "It's Not Taboo"

I am rather excited because I am doing research for my senior project. Essentially what my project is is I am going to be creating a video talking about the biggest challenges people face with getting help about depression, self harm, eating disorders, addiction, etc. (If your remember my post about TWLOHA, that organization is one of the resources I am using in my project)

In the video I would also want to interview people facing these challenges and having them talk about what they have gone through, how they got help and dealt with it in order to inspire others. To let them know that there is help out there and asking for help is something they should not be afraid of. Also, for those who know people going through those challenges it's not a phase and they don't do it for attention. 

So next step is doing research on local teen centers, contacting them and writing up my plans. Will post the video as soon as I complete it!

Revaluations! Be yourself and don't ever change for someone else!

Everyone has those days where they wonder and question “Who am I? Where do I fit in? What is my purpose here?” And unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Everyone faces challenges and trials that they must overcome. Everyone will encounter those who claim to be friends but have two faces or only call you their friend when it benefits them. It breaks my heart that I have been losing friends recently, but in the end I guess it is what best because if they are willing to hurt and only use me as a puppet then they aren't really a friend. Everyone deserves to be happy and I have finally come to realize that I shouldn't have to sacrifice my happiness to keep everyone else around me satisfied. It’s like every time I was offering myself up on a silver platter to do their bidding all the while hiding how I really feel because I was too afraid that they wouldn't like me.

So I have come to a realization, one that has taken me my entire life to reach. I am no one's puppet and I refuse to continue to apologize for who I am and the way I feel. I have finally decided that it is ok for me to say no to others and actually put my feelings first. Because I have feelings and beliefs and opinions of my own and ones that should actually matter to those who actually care about me. And just because I am finally standing up for the way I feel does not make me “a selfish bitch.” (Yes that is an actual quote of what I was told the first instance when I stood up for myself.) Yes, I may have a flirtatious personality, and it’s something I don’t always have in check. While I am trying my hardest to be mindful of it, it is my personality and it doesn't exactly have an off switch. Just because someone is going to tell me that they think I am a “boyfriend stealing slut” just because I make friends easily and can be clingy does not make it true. So I will wait for someone who will actually take the time to understand my personality and not constantly try and change me. I am not going to hide or change who I am because it is an inconvenience to someone else. I am an actual human being, not just a thing to be used for someone else’s needs.

So I did not simply post this to rant about my moment of self revelation. I wrote this because of the fact that it took me a really long to finally do this and hopefully I will inspire someone else to do the same. You are an individual and you matter. You should never belittle yourself or feel that you have to change yourself to have to please others. It is completely alright to sometimes be selfish and have bad days and want to scream at the top of your lungs just to feel better. You should never have to hide your feelings because someone made you feel that your feelings aren't as important as someone else’s. So be selfish and put yourself first every now and again and don’t continue to put up with fake friends who only want to use and not return your friendship.

I hope that this encouraged or inspired someone out there! And for a little extra motivation here are some awesome quotes! (I will be posting inspiring and motivational quotes on my blog from time to time to help people through the day and remind you that you are special!)

“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

― Bernard M. Baruch

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson