A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

Dear Kimmie (16 year old self),

It has taken me a while to write this because I wanted to provide sage wisdom while being poetic and insightful. But I realised I don't need that. I just need to tell you what I have learned.

At sixteen you think that reading, writing, tumblr and other miscellaneous things are the most important things in the world. They aren't. As important as all that stuff seems right now it is almost worthless in the long run. What is truly important is to find the people who are going to stick by you. Get better at interacting with them, build your friendships and don't be afraid to let them in. Build relationships that will last who people that matter.

At sixteen you are old beyond your years, you spend your days often depressed, worrying about money, the house, and if everything will be ok. Worrying about college, a job and where your life will go and if your life is actually worth anything. Often times the world feels like it is ending. I remember the pain, the sadness, the suicidal thoughts and the self harm. Remember feeling like moving from day to day was pointless because I was just empty. Even though you are young regrets and idiodic mistakes haunt you. Take those mistakes in stride, acccept that you can't change them but you can learn and grow from them. Remember that your life is worth something, whether or not it feels like it. Never forget that you matter!

I know things are really difficult right now. You are struggling with problems at home, with bullying, with depression, with lack of friends.

But I wanted to let you know that it will all be ok. There will be a lot of struggles and hard times, friends will come and go and people are going to be cruel. But you are strong and will get through it all. I promise. Just have faith in yourself. Have faith that the situations you are going through will prove to make you a stronger person. Overcoming the challenges that you face will make you the person you are to become. The scars of the past will help to build your drive and resolve.

Always remember that you don't have to change yourself for anyone! And you don't have to act a certain way just because you think that is what will make people like you. Never be afraid to be who you truly are, screw everyone else.

Also, never let anyone get to you who tries to tear you down. Use it as fuel, motivation, drive. Work your ass off to make a life worth living because you deserve to be proud of the life you live, not resent it. You are a dedicated and motivated worker and you know that life will be better, you just have to work to make it that way.

If I could go back to be you there are so many changes I would make to change the regrets that I hold now. I regret not getting closer to my friends and making my time with them count, regret never letting people in and always being left behind, I regret being so desperate for love and attention I let myself be manipulated, controlled and used. But the brightside is that you will live through the next 3 years even though it doesn't feel like it right now, your relationship with dad will get better and you will become stronger.

If you take away anything from this letter, remember and know that that you can survive. You are stronger than you think and you are an amazing and kind person despite what that nagging voice in your head tells you.

Love from,

Kim (18, almost 19, years young.)

(For all those reading is part two to the post I did on Wednesday. Click here to read.)

What is self-confidence?

What is self-confidence?

Honestly, for me it is one of the hardest things to attain.  I am always afraid just relaxing.  Always afraid of what people think.  I see my best friend Rosa and I’m honestly jealous of how tough and confident she is.  She knows who she is and she is comfortable with that. I don’t understand how to be like Rosa, how to have that strength and presence. 

God I wish I could be like her…

Most of the time, I hate who I am.  I hate the girl I see in the mirror and more often than not, I’m not quite sure who is looking back at me. 

I know that I let people believe that I am all happy and bubbly, but inside I know that there is just this scared girl who doesn’t have a spine and wants to curl up in a ball…wallflower, shy, afraid…

I so badly want to have that confidence, to be able to stand up for myself, to stand tall and know who I am and know that no one can take that away. Oh how I wish…

Defeat and Motivation

One of the hardest things to do is pick yourself up and keep going when all the odds are against you and at every turn something goes wrong.

That's how I feel when tackling the challenge of cleaning and repairing my house. I feel like every time my boyfriend or I make a dent wither someone else in the house dirtied what we just accomplished, or we find something else that needs repairing...

It really dampens your spirit of motivation and drive.

Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry every time we find something new that kicks my goal in its butt and makes it harder.

But, I do know that you have to take every setback with renewed motivation and realize that you can't let ever little issue tear you down.

And that is what I'm trying to do. So for everyone out there dealing with a similar challenge of motivation I hope this is a little confidence booster.

Always remember that you can do it! You are strong and powerful and just remember that if nothing else, I believe in you!