Poetry Saturday - Butterflies

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Butterflies in my stomach as you smile at me with your small crooked smile,
You snake your arms around my waste and pull me close. I can't help but feel safe inside your strong protecting arms.
I'm scared because I don't know what could happen, but I know what I want to happen.
I hold my breath as your face is just a few inches from mine. I look hesitantly at you as your brown eyes look down studying me.
I send a silent prayer that you can't see my butterflies, but that you can see how badly I want you to feel the same.
We sway gently to the music playing, but standing on the dance floor, looking into your transfixing eyes, the world seems to fade and all I can think about is what I can't help feel for you.
Butterflies fill me and I just want to spend the night in your arms, close you, wishing that butterflies fill you too.

That Girl I Was When I Was Sixteen

I decided to do this post because when I read it I instantly knew what I wanted to talk about and what had been on my heart, so here is my response to today's Daily Post prompt.

"Tell us all about the person you were when you were sixteen. If you haven’t yet hit sixteen, tell us about the person you want to be at sixteen."

At age sixteen I had just finished my sophomore year in high school. I had awesome friends but I was nervous because the two halves of my high school were splitting onto separate campuses. I was afraid that I would loose touch, or worse, that I would get left behind...

On the personal front I was struggling with suicidal tendencies and depression. I had almost no self confidence and hated myself...

I behaved stupidly, allowing myself to act like trash because I thought it would make others like me more, but all it did was portray me in an unflattering light. I allowed myself to be peer pressured and do things that I knew I shouldn't have but never spoke up for fear of being rejected. So many rumors were being spread about me that I hated myself even more.

For my own personal privacy I am not going to reveal any specific details but basically I was a stupid teenager who thought acting that way would get me the kind of attention I wanted, to be liked, cared about, to even be loved. (I did talk about this a bit in another post here).

I had to learn the hard way that that was the wrong path and I didn't have to change myself or behave some way that I wasn't comfortable with or that wasn't me just to be liked. In some ways I am still learning this...

All I can say is that when I was 16 I didn't get a car with a big red bow on it, I wasn't rolling down the highway in a snazzy convertible, I was learning my lessons the harsh way, learning to be myself and change.

I know this post got deep but this was just what was in my heart and in a way this helped me come to terms and accept that I can't change what I did, but I can learn from it.

Thanks for listening, <3 Kimmie