Lost in Wonderland

I wrote this poem years ago about the first guy I ever loved, or at least thought I did. Now I realize I just more relied on him for support and needing to feel cared for. Anyhow, yet another one I found in my dropbox...

I swore I would never say this out loud,

But I can't keep lying to myself.

Because the truth is that I love you.

You have no idea how hard I wish that I could just make these feelings go away,

Imagine they aren’t real.

But wishing away feelings is like trying to wish the moon to stop shining,

Impossible.

I can't pretend anymore,

I can't pretend I don’t wish you were mine,

Pretend that I didn't feel like I was safe when you held me

Pretend that when I talk to you, you don’t make everything seem ok.

I thought that burying my feelings would make things easier;

I thought it would make me a better friend.

Yes, I love you and I am terrified that may never change.

That is something I will have to accept.

I will have to accept that you may never be mine.

And I know that I may never be more than your friend.

Who knows someday you may feel the way I do.

But I refuse to sit around and wait for that day to come;

Waiting for you to say three words that may never be for me.

I can’t waste my life waiting for a dream that may never be.

I can’t hurt myself like that anymore.

And maybe one day I will get over you.

It may be five minutes from now,

It maybe tomorrow,

Or six months from now,

Or maybe even never.

I honestly don’t know.