What's on my Mind - Free Write

Its 12:08 in the morning and I was sitting here thinking about what to write. I have a list of things I want to create posts on that pertain to my "blogging niche" college, life, makeup. But for some reason I couldn't think of anything, I was simply staring at a blank page. So I decided just to tell you what was on my mind, to just type and see what comes out.

Life scares me.  I am not at all good with change, and as I am coming up on what should be my last semester in community college, I am forced to face the inevitable changes that will take place in my life once more. I have placed my application for only one college, the one CSU closest to me, a risky move I know. But now that I have moved so far away from home, living in a new city and forced to start all over, I really don't want to relocate again. I'm scared that I won't be able to make new friends, that I'll be overwhelmed.

I feel so lost in my life right now. If you asked me what I wanted out of life a couple years ago, I could have easily told you where I wanted to go to college, grad school, what my majors would be, and what I wanted to do career wise and in Job's Daughters and in Demolay. But know I don't know. I feel like all my dreams have abandoned me. I still want to serve as Grand Bethel Girl to the state of California, but I feel like my chances are running out. My bethel is struggling to stay open and we haven't been pulled for a slot in quite a while.

I feel like I'm just drifting from day to day, surviving and trying to figure out where I stand. I feel like I am questioning everything in my life, wondering if I am doing the right thing? What choices should I make from here? Am I where I want to be? Where do I want to be? Thank God for my boyfriend being so understanding and always reassuring me, because we just hit three years, we have been fighting a bit recently due to how much stress we have both been under, and self conscious, anxious, able to jump to worst conclusion me, is even questioning our relationship thinking that "oh we are at the stage where most high school couples break up."

They all make it sound so easy when we are in high school. Go to college, graduate, get a job. No one ever tells you how to handle all the bumps in the road, the twists and turns, and the self doubt that gnaws at your mind. The world expects us to be so grown up and sure of ourselves, knowing what we want and how to successfully be an adult when, in many ways, we are still kids in our own rights. Figuring out the world, taking hesitant steps into adulthood, stumbling and falling. Someone should really write a manual for this insanity we call life.

Alright, well if you are still here reading this, I appreciate it. Sorry for any grammar errors, I was honestly just typing whatever came to mind. Let me know what content you guys would like me to post more of or if you have any suggestions for me. I hope you all have an amazing rest of your day/night and I wish you luck on your journey.

- Kimmie

Controversial Talks: Welfare and Drug Testing

Disclaimer: if you don’t like reading about controversial topics then I am going to stop you right here. If you are willing to continue reading then I must expressly remind you that this is my opinion and you are free to disagree. However, even though you are free to disagree, have your own opinion and believe whatever you want, I kindly ask that you refrain from leaving any mean comments, and just keep those to yourself. Also, please also note, I say “you” a lot in this post to express my point, I don’t mean you the reader, it is simply subjective to some nameless “you” in which this rant post applies.

Now, on with that out of the way, onto the actual post…

Listed among the numerous controversial topics of today enters onto the playing field the subject of drug testing for welfare and how we should deal with it.. The bomb, a.k.a. subject of this post, has been dropped, are you still with me? If you are, the biggest debate of this subject is should we drug test people in order for them to receive welfare benefits.

Some of the biggest arguments for each side:

Now, here is my opinion: Yes, I do feel that applicants for welfare should be drug tested. No, it is not just because “I had to get drug tested for my job, pay taxes and pay for your welfare” argument, but this statement does still hold a lot of validity, and yes, I do agree with that statement.

BUT, if you are getting welfare, you shouldn’t resign yourself to living solely off welfare, if you have a job and are working to get off welfare then, you go and I am here cheering for you in spirit. But if you don’t, you are going to have to get a job, and you are going to have to apply, try and support yourself and you will have to get drug tested if you get a job. So I feel like we should treat welfare like applying for a job. If you fail a drug test then no, I don’t believe you should have welfare. As stereotypical and mean as this may make me sound, I have seen enough instances of people abusing the welfare system to say that if you fail a drug test, how do I know that you aren’t wasting the money on buying more drugs rather than actually trying to support yourself? (I feel like the whole welfare system is flawed and has a lot of issues, but that is a rant for another time.)

Plus, you are applying for FREE MONEY! The least I feel that the government and tax payers supporting these social programs can ask of you is that you be freaking sober and are willing to put in the work to get back on your feet.

It annoys me so much when people say drug testing for welfare is against some kind of right. No it isn’t. Excuse me, I had to get drug tested for my job and so has everyone else I know. This is where I will say it: if it isn’t against a right to be drug tested for a job to pay the tax money for social programs, then it sure as hell isn’t against any right to be drug tested for welfare and receive said tax money.

So if you are applying for free money, say it with me, FREE MONEY!, then you should damn well be able to pass a drug test and prove in some small way that you are capable of being smart with the money you are being given. The reason I agree with the earlier statement is because yes, if I am going to work my butt off and have a chunk of my paycheck taken off for government taxes, which guess what, a portion is spent on social programs, I feel you should be able to pass a drug test, because I would really rather not have that money go to feeding some person’s drug addiction.

So in conclusion to my semi-rant/opinion on this topic: yes I am absolutely for this policy. I don’t even think it should be controversial because it is, in my opinion, pure logic.

Bullying and Haters

So I just wanted to do a post about bullying and cyber bullying because I have been seeing way to much of it lately and just need to get it off my chest.

I don't understand why people feel the need to bully others or tear them down just to make themselves feel better. If you are having a bad day or you are having some issue or you were bullied or something, bullying someone else isn't the answer. All your doing is hurting someone else the way you might be hurting inside.

To people who just sit around and spread hate on the internet all day. You're not cool just because you can call someone names or make up a horrible story about someone else. If you have never met this person and you just know them because they have a blog, or the post on YouTube or they are a celebrity and you don't necessarily like them, OH WELL. Big deal, get over it. Accept that they aren't your cup of tea.

Honestly, if you have never met a person before you have NO RIGHT to say you hate them or whatever nasty things. I don't know how someone can tell someone else "go kill yourself" or "go cut yourself" or "if you died or disappeared no one would care." How callous do you have to be to say that without any remorse. That is someone just like you, who has a life, who has a family and a future. 

How can you say that or even honestly think that they should. Maybe that person is suicidal or actually cuts and you are encouraging them??? 

The point is you don't know someones story. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and you have no right to pass judgement or go out of your way to spread hateful things about them. What do you achieve by doing that? What, your 15 minutes of fame? Feeling like a bully? Because that is what you are. 

Bottom line, you should spread positivity and love. Build someone up and make them feel good about themselves rather than tearing them down.