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Most people have gone through some type of breakup in their lives, and the majority will probably tell you that it sucks and is painful. I have been going through this as of late and personally, I'm with the majority. So here is what I have learned over the past few months that have been helping me get through this hard time.
- Get your support system! I can't stress how important it is to be around people who genuinely care about you and who want to support you. By having a strong support system you have people who you can turn to when you are having a bad day, who are willing to listen to you talk, even if you are saying the same thing as before.
- Put some distance. For me, he moved back home to a different state, so I didn’t have to go through the issues of seeing him on a regular basis. Bt I did have to force myself to talk to him less. If you do see your ex frequently or have the same friend group, try taking a step back. I’m not saying stop hanging out with the friend group, just take some time away from events where you would be in the same place.
- Allow yourself to grieve. One thing you absolutely don’t want to do is bottle up those feelings, because they will explode in the worst way, and probably the worst timing. If you need to cry, that’s ok, you’re allowed to. You need to let yourself go through the grieving process, because in a way, it’s like a death. Something that has been a big part of your life has come to an end and you have to ride that out.
- Friends on social media. As much as it sucks, you will want to remove them from your social media because it will torture you. If you guys do plan to remain friends, at least remove them for a while. I personally stayed facebook friends with him for a while and I was paranoid about posting anything that he could take the wrong way, etc.
- It’s your business. On the social media note, don’t post all the details on facebook or anywhere really. Because really all that will do is probably open up a can of worms of people dumping on them and trying to tell you what you should do and personally that just made me feel worse. I really didn’t want to hear people trash talking him and I certainly didn’t want to draw the limelight on what had transpired.
- Painful memories. You probably want to delete your photos together and remove anything that is a painful reminder of the split.
- Don’t drink alone or hole yourself up. We’ve all heard about the infamous way of getting over someone through the bottom of a bottle. Alcohol is actually a depressant. If you do want to drink, invite over someone who makes you feel good and safe and who wouldn’t mind if you got emotional. The day he and I broke up I went over to my now roommate’s house and we drank and watched a movie and hung out. Going back to the first point, don’t try to fight this on your own, don’t shut yourself off from everyone, in fact, I’ve gone out more than I have in ages because I don’t want to fall into the trap of sitting at home wallowing. I want to be surrounded by good people in a good situation.
- Rebuild yourself. I started rock climbing more and trying to figure out who I am on my own. We were together for 4 years, so I hadn’t been an adult on my own, I’m learning how to do that now. Focus on learning to be happy on your own, you don’t need a significant other.
I hope this helps some of you out there and if you are going through a breakup, I wish you all the best and remember, if no one else, I believe in you!
Hugs from my computer to yours -
Kim
